


Belonging

by modmerseygirl



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Force Bond (Star Wars), Young Ben Solo, Young Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22520158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modmerseygirl/pseuds/modmerseygirl
Summary: Ben Solo’s mind has been torn between the Light and Dark from a young age. In the midst of this conflict, he is pulled toward something he has never felt before....
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	Belonging

It was an aching loneliness that seemed to always settle in the bottom of young Ben Solo’s stomach like a stone, working its way up to his heart, squeezing it. This feeling came upon him frequently, even when he was surrounded by happiness. Ben wanted for nothing tangibly. He knew his parents loved him. Yet, he was aware of an underlying, hidden fear emanating from them at times. Their trepidation. Their doubt, not knowing how to react when things went out of his control without provocation. Books and plates flying off shelves willy-nilly, doors slamming of their own volition. A wind stirring up in the middle of a room where no windows or doors were opened.

He loved them desperately, and wanted to please them. He desired to be understood. His father struggled the most. Ben could feel it. Han’s eyes shone so brightly whenever they fell on him, but he also could sense his father’s confusion. As he grew older, the caution and uncertainty became more prevalent. It hurt him. 

Despite being more accustomed to it after so many years of being around his mother and uncle, Ben knew that his father did not, could not, understand the ways of the Force. Not completely. Han never seemed fully at ease with the spiritual side of things. Yet, when they sat side by side on the Millennium Falcon, the Force was often an afterthought. Ben tried to shove the loud, taunting voices out of his head, so that he could think about the matters at hand. His senses were constantly heightened. He focused on the rumble of his father’s voice and the creak of Han’s boots as he stomped down the hallway yelling after Uncle Chewie. The whirs and clangs of repairs being done on the ship, as more often than not, tender loving care was needed after some of their more lively adventures.

Ben savored the peace and the sturdy calm he felt when his Dad let him take over piloting the old light freighter for awhile. The Falcon was just as much their home as the family’s apartment back on Chandrila. It was his favorite place to be. The Solo boys, hurtling through space at lightspeed.

He missed spending time with his father, as he was more frequently in the company of Luke Skywalker. When he was ten, his parents sent Ben off to begin his Jedi apprenticeship under the tutelage of his legendary uncle. He remembered crying himself to sleep most nights in those early years, not understanding why he couldn’t stay home and become a pilot like Dad. That’s all he really wanted. Sure, being a Jedi was special and he knew it was an honor. But, he craved being up in the stars, alone with his thoughts or planning a mission to a far off planet. Not meditating in the middle of a jungle or trudging through an old temple looking for artifacts. The only other real peace he found was when he had ink-smudged fingers, absorbed in making notations in his books. He loved reading and writing, and his calligraphy set meant as much to him as his lightsaber. A scholarly pilot training to be a Jedi. What a combination. 

Ben was fifteen now. There weren’t any girls catching his eye yet (Dad loved to tease him about that). He wondered if he would ever find a love like his parents had. Sure, they fought and spent a lot of time apart, but even at his young age, he could see how connected they were. How much they loved each other, flaws and all. They were like magnets, constantly being drawn back together. 

It was on one of the flights with his father that he first felt something new. A stirring. His very soul seemed to be stretched within him – there was a strong tug, a pang. Even though he tried to block out the voices, a new one suddenly manifested. It was a tortured cry. Not directed at him, but instead, it wailed at something unseen in the universe. 

_Come back!_

He saw a little girl with brown hair. He caught a glimpse of her when he closed his eyes. She was so frightened, with tears streaming down her cheeks. It was her voice he heard. He had never had a vision this intense before. It was as if he could reach out and touch her through space and time. How close was she? How far away? He understood her pain, intensely. It was his reaction when he was separated from his own parents. An echo, but also a shared bond with this stranger.

_ How could this be?  _

He knew this was not a trick or a delusion. It was real. She was real. 

He had no idea where she was. He wanted to save her, he knew that for certain. That Solo instinct of throwing oneself headfirst into a fight, damn the consequences, reverberated through him and he was practically shaking with it. 

_I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise._

Perhaps, one day, he wouldn’t be lonely anymore.

Maybe he could help the Girl. 

_The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my beloved friend and beta thesassywallflower! 
> 
> This is my first time sharing on AO3, so I am super nervous and excited. :)


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